Having a Pity Party - Want an invite?

I'm not very good at self help. I mean, I can give out advice with the best of them, but taking it myself is not one of my strong suits especially when it comes to weight issues. So, I'm sitting here having a little pity party of my own and I know how this works. I'll get it out of my system and feel like crap, then I'll do something about it. But the fact that I HAVE to do something about it makes finding the actual will to do it, much harder to come by for some reason. I guess it's because I hate being told what to do. I like living by my own rules and I like to eat, frankly.

Newsflash - I hate fruits and veggies. Haven't found a fruit that I like in 36 years, don't think I'm going to find one now. The fact that I don't like fruit is a huge embarrassment to me when I eat at friends' homes. Everyone makes the most beautiful fruit pies and desserts and I have to say, "No thanks! I'm good." People look at you like you're nuts when you tell them you don't like fruit. They always say, "really?" "wow!". Veggies are more my friends than fruit, but only a limited selection.

Believe me you, I WISH I loved all of these things, I wouldn't be in the predicament that I am if I did. Blood tests don't lie to you, unfortunately. Triglycerides are high. Doctors don't sugar coat bad news like "lose weight", "risk of coronary artery disease", "risk of diabetes". They just expect you to fix it, with the help of a dietician, of course. I am really hoping I just don't start bawling while talking to that particular person.

It's not like I don't want to be better for myself and my family. It's just that right now, the mountain seems so high and my ability to climb it seems impaired. Yes, I'll throw out my crutch - I have two herniated discs in my back - what does that mean!? It means, I live with my left foot numb and tingly. It means, I wake up every day in pain and can't walk . It means I live on Aleve and Motrin. It means, walking any distance about kills me and it means, that right now, I can function with all of that. I am terrified of aggravating my back by working out or forcing anything on it when I am finally starting to feel a little better.

So, I'm whining like my 7 year old when she doesn't get what she wants. It's okay, it's part of my pity party and this whole blog thing is therapeutic. I vent, I scream, I heal, I move on. I have a plan.

I hate weight watchers - but I'm going back to it after school starts, August 19th.

I hate diets, but I'm seeing a dietician August 17th.

I hate working out, but I'm going back to it (any day now). Okay, that one's less definite, but a necessity.

In the meantime, I'm going to be cleaning out my pantry, freezers, and fridge.

My kids will hate the new menu, but if I have to be good, everyone has to be good.

My goal is no medication, no weight loss supplements, no drugs.

SO, that's it - pity party over. Thanks for coming. Thanks for listening.

Happy Birthday Daddy, meet me at the ER.

So, yesterday was Carl's 39th birthday and it was seeming to be a rather uneventful day. We had plans to go out to dinner and then to the Muny and Carl's folks were going to watch the kids for us. 4:45pm comes and William takes a nose dive off of a kitchen chair and busts open his bottom lip inside and out. Where was I? 20 feet away. I didn't see it, but he had been sitting with his sisters at the table playing Polly Pockets when the next thing, he was under the table and crawling out like a mad man to me because he was hurt.

I summoned my neighbor, or "second opinion" after I had the blood flow staunched a little and ice in place and Will was settling down a little. She said, "oh, you know mouths bleed so bad." I said, "yes, but come look at this". One glance and her face told me, it needed to be seen by a doctor. Off we went to St. Clare's. The three girls went with my neighbor until my inlaws arrived (as planned originally). I called Carl and he was meeting me at the ER.

Once we were in the ER, they glued the split in his upper chin shut and we were home by 6:30 pm. The race was on to still get dinner and then make it to the Muny - we did it, with indigestion and belly aches - we were there for the opening song. So, an uneventful birthday turned into a milestone (sort of). Our first visit to the ER for our Buddy.

Praise the Lord!

So, we're sitting at dinner and I'm dishing out omlettes to the kids. The younger two start fighting over sippee cups and crying really loud. My four year old says in an exasperated way, "Praise Jesus!" and goes on about her meal. It was so funny! I figure her week at VBS paid off right there!

It has been a busy, busy week and a hard day. I don't know why, but it has and my one glass of white wine at dinner to take the edge off my mood turned into three, so now I'm feeling it and will probably be asleep in an hour.

We had Vacation Bible School this week and the older girls loved it. I love watching them enjoy it and singing all the songs they learn. It's really neat.

My main beef with my day, though, was the crying, the screaming, the tattle taling, the complaining, the drone of it all. It drives me up a wall and there are 38 days left of summer vacation. I may not make it.

24 months

William and Hayden turn two today! Yeah! I can't believe it. It seems like the first year goes by so quickly and they turn one, but they're still babies. Then the second year has gone at light speed and now I look at them, two years old, and they seem so big. I mean, I know they aren't big, but compared to what they were, they're enormous. They are really trying to talk, get into everything, and are two little live wires on the go all the time. I love it.

On the flip side, it's Fourth of July weekend everybody! Enjoy! It's the weekend that means summer is half over, so let's celebrate! We're going to enjoy some fireworks this evening with the babies and some neighbors, then tomorrow, probably more fireworks.

Side note on my state of being - had an x-ray this week and an MRI - determined I have degenerative disc disease and two herniated discs in my lower lumbar region which is putting pressure on my sciatic nerve and causing me so much grief. Doctor said I could try cortisone shots or surgery. I said, I'll get another opinion, if you don't mind. So, I'm going to look into that next week. Sucks to get old.

More later people!

Three days post vacation

Three days post vacay and we're finally unpacked and back to "normal" (Man! I miss vacation). It takes two weeks to pack, three to unpack, and another week to get the kids back on a schedule, but it was worth it. We had a nice time just being away from home and enjoying the kids. It's amazing how much time there is in a day when you don't have to keep up the house, prepare major meals, and do all the other things that take up a busy day at home. We swam, went to Silver Dollar City a couple days, rode the Ducks, played miniature Golf and just hung out. It was great!

This week we have nothing planned so I am going to take advantage of enjoying the kids even more. I am hoping to get to the Botanical Garden and/or Grant's Farm and tonight we're going to the Muny to see Annie. All of this depends, of course, on how my Doctor's visit goes today for my back, though. I am going to plead with him to get me an MRI or something to see what the heck is going on in there. It's been a major pain in the A.S.S. since Easter and I'm done being in pain. It's gotten so bad that I raided the medicine cabinet for the Hyrocodone from my gall bladder surgery last summer. It has helped take the edge off, but the discomfort still persists. Don't worry, not going to get addicted to pain meds. I can barely stand the 1/2 a pill that I take and you're supposed to take 1-2 per dose. For the minor relief it provides, though, it's good enough for now. Gotta get some kids out of the tub! See ya!

Two weeks of work for One week's vacation

I am completely surprised that I haven't stroked out this week. It's been that bad on the blood pressure scale. When the stress hits the fan like it has this week, I often think, thank GOD I don't have a full time job on top of my at home status. I don't think I could do it without some serious uppers or drugs of some kind. I don't know how my friends DO it that are Moms and Full Time Employees. My hat's off to you ladies!

The most baffling thing about the week is why it takes two weeks worth of work to go out of town for one week. We're going to Branson on Monday and I seriously have nothing packed. So what the heck have I been doing?

Well, on top of trying to keep the house up so my brother can stay here while were gone and not think he's staying in a pig sty, I am trying to get laundry done and caught up, sheets changed, towels cleaned, shopping done, and cart kids to Girl Scout Camp, Swim Lessons, Dance Lessons, and Recital Rehearsals. It's been ridiculous.

Then, tonight, the melt down I've been waiting for happened. Quinn finally broke down into a complete nervous mess about the recital tomorrow. She did fantabulous at rehearsal today and I couldn't have been prouder. But, seriously, at this point, it might be the last time I see her on stage. She is so worked up over it, she's trying to throw up. I am playing it cool, telling her how great she did today. We practiced again tonight, she did great! I showed her the video from rehearsal - she did great! She says there is going to be so many people and they are going to laugh at her. No matter what I say, it only adds fuel to her hysterical fire, so I am trying to just get her to sleep Praying and hoping tomorrow's a new day and a better one with her nerves. Truthfully, though, I think my odds are 50% that she will take the stage.

God help us!

My own GPS system

This weekend was really busy and it all ended with our trip to Cape Girardeau (actually Scott City) for the 50th wedding anniversary of Carl's aunt and uncle. It was beautiful reception. Well, let me start with they had a mass, but I didn't make it to that because in the interest of trying to have four kids well behaved at the reception, Carl took the older girls with his parents in their car to the mass while I followed an hour later. The twins napped in the car while I drove to the reception and met the others. It was a good plan for the most part. Unfortunately, an hour and half nap only insured that the twins would be moderately even tempered since they usually take an almost 3 hour nap every day.

Basically, it was a very nice afternoon, but the twins were my own GPS system. If I moved, they hunted me down and when I tried to dance with Carl, they wanted in on the action. We tried to hold them and sort of sway to the music and it didn't work. The babies both wanted me to hold them, which was kind of the theme all evening long. If one wanted up on my lap, they both wanted up. I didn't get to socialize much or even eat dinner since by the time I fed everyone else (with Grandpa and Carl's help), I went through the line and there wasn't anything left. I did get cake.

Before dinner Carl's cousin made a speach and said that the combined total of the wedding party's years of marriage was like 337 years! That's pretty amazing. We were joking at some point this weekend about making 50 years and I said, I'll probably be 10 years past dead at that point. Carl said he would celebrate without me - which was sweet and thoughtful although contradicts our running joke that if I go to our maker ahead of him, he's getting a 20 something bomb shell to replace me. Little does he know that if he goes before me, I think I'll make a great cougar!

Bustin' Out!

It's always crazy around here and now with less than 14 hours to go before William gets his casts cut off, it will undoubtedly get only crazier! I can't wait for him to bust out of those plaster insane asylums. The poor guy has been so good about wearing them and being so patient and tolerant, but I know once he's set free, he'll be a maniac.

This week, he has discovered the Little People due to the fact that he can't really motor around, so he is forced to sit and play. We had a huge tub of the darned toys and I dragged them out late last week for the kids to explore. You'd have thought we got all new stuff! Even the older two were engaged and setting up the town and zoo and castle components. All four of the kids were playing today and they were actually getting along momentarily while creating a fort and who knows what all.

I managed to rearrange the twins' room today due to the fact that they have been playing with the blinds and messing them up and also pulling things off the wall. They are now both against the wall without anything on it and away from the windows. We had stashed the cords to the blinds up high, so that wasn't the danger, but they were playing and looking out the blinds during nap times and not sleeping. It was completely annoying.

From rearranging their room, I went to organizing our swim gear (which you would be surprised, but it literally takes up a whole storage unit), to organizing the toy room (incorporating the Little People), cleaning out the changing table, cleaning bathrooms and doing laundry. I am beat.

I am a little depressed about the toy room. After the garage sale last month, I felt really good about how it looked. Kind of cleaned out and uncluttered. Now that I've had to find homes for the Little People, I'm thinking what else should I purge? It's crazy out of control in there and the more there is, the more they get out and I have to clean up (when I can't talk their older sisters into helping or doing it for me).

What's even more depressing is that I've done a lot of work today and tomorrow, it will all get undone. C'est la vie! I guess it's job security that there is never an end in sight to the work that needs to be done.

Tilt a Whirl

Keeping your life in perspective is easy when you have kids, I think. To them, the center of the universe is, of course, themselves. Me? I'm just a peripheral planet that happens to bask in the light of their sunny rays. I do have the power, though, to tilt their world and set it off it's axis a bit.

It's been 32 hours since we came home from the hospital with William after his surgery and already I've been told that I give William all the attention around here. Someone said that I didn't love the girls as well as him and that I didn't care about them. My three little princesses are having a green eyed fit of montrous proportions. You see, William is the least demanding of all my kids. He just goes with the flow most of the time. His sisters, however, are all equally demanding of my attention and most of the time manage to secure their fair shares.

Now, though, their interplanetary balance has been disrupted because Momma planet is pretty preoccupied with Little Buddy and his comfort level, pain tolerance, and overall entertainment since he can't move in the casts he has to wear. This has meant several outbreaks of uncontrollable sobbing and fits of outrage when I can't immediately tend to my littlest princesses needs. The older princesses have responded by picking on each other and fighting with each other to the point that I HAVE to notice them and devote my attention to them.

It happens and it's for their own good, I say. I didn't realize how ridiculously rotten my girls were until the Buddy had his surgery and I couldn't be their beck and call Mom that holds them together. It's been interesting and a learning experience. I definitely think it's opening their eyes to the fact that someone besides themselves has needs to be met and right now those needs are of the highest priority to me. In a week, this will all be behind us, but for now, the tilt a whirl world we have going on is exhausting.

When You Fix Some Crooked Toes.

This morning we left at 6:45am to get to Childrens' hospital by 7:30 am for check-in. William was having surgery on his fourth and fifth little toes on each foot to correct them. It was a lateral tendon lengthening procedure to straighten them out. We made it on time and then, of course, you sit and wait. We were finally rolling around 9:30 am when they gave him some "Versed" (spelling?) to "calm" and "relax" him. He promptly turned into a loosey goosey goof ball, laughing, singing and flailing without control. It was pretty hilarious.

We walked him to surgery at 9:45 am and then they took him from us at the door to the surgical suite. He was just looking at us all glassy eyed - so cute! At 11:00 am, we got a call that he was going to recovery and that everything had gone well. He would be able for us to see him in about 15 more minutes. We finally went back and he was still asleep. When he woke, he was MAD and then we got to hold him (which I was more than happy to do!). He has two huge blue casts up to his thighs on now, which does make snuggling a little more difficult. The nurses continued to administer pain medication and we were able to leave around 1:00 pm. He then threw up twice on the way home - oh yippee!

The culprit - see how his toes curl. They were like this on both feet.

William and Daddy waiting for surgery!

William right after surgery - still asleep from anesthesia.

Snuggles with Mommy - He is still really out of it!

Take me home! I just want my own bed!