Raining

It's been two months and I think it gets harder the further from that moment I get. I miss him. I miss seeing him at his house. I was there last evening and as I do when I go there, I go to my parents bedroom which is the last place he and I spoke and the last place I saw him. I stand there everytime waiting for something. His ashes are on his dresser (for now). His photo is throughout the room. I can still see his form in bed asleep or talking with me, but he's not really there. Before I know it, the tears are falling off my cheeks while I'm lost in thought. I want to feel close again to him. I want him to say, "come here!" for a hug. I want him to be here.

I just want my Dad.

I'm glad it's raining tonight so the full moon isn't visible. Full moons and cool evenings bring back the moment I walked out of the house to go home the night my Dad died. I looked up to the brightest, fullest, globe in the night sky and felt the cool breeze of a storm coming across my face. It's one of those moments you never forget. I remember thinking maybe my Dad had something to do with the change in the weather and the wind was his good night kiss to me across my cheek. Crazy.