Happy New Year

Well, 30 seconds into 2010 and I'm thinking whew - another decade. Where did it go? Where did the last ten years GO? I'm watching Dick Clark's Rockin' New Year's in New York - and okay? When did Dick Clark haeve a stroke? I missed that one. He looks good.

Now Ryan Seacrest and Jennifer Lopez are dancing - okay, what IS she wearing? Yikes.

Anyways, I wish you a great 2010 and a blessed year. I wish you a year of hope, of love, of happiness. As for me, I am praying for a better year with my own health and the will to do what I need to do to continue to improve it. I am also praying for the continued health of my family and friends. I am hopeful for the country and I'm looking forward to so many good things happening this year.

Happy New Year. Nite.

Santa Is NOT Bringing a CAT!

I got up this morning in a pretty good mood. Quinn got up in a pretty good mood, I thought. Then she starts in at breakfast. "I want a cat. Why can't I have a cat? Everything I ask for, I never get. I hate my life. I never get what I want!".

She started on the whole "cat" request to Santa over the weekend. Where that came from, I'll never know? We have tried the gentle let down method - "Santa doesn't bring animals to our house. He just can't." and "Quinn we can't get a cat right now, we have a dog." Even, "I'm sure Santa won't disappoint you!" Nothing satisfied her demand.

Last night she started in at bedtime with "you never spend time with me." and "You don't like me as much as the babies." and "Why do I always have to go to school and they get to stay home with you?" and crying, lots of crying. It got to me. The guilt set in. I was sympathetic, then.

This morning, though, I'd had enough. I am sure it was not my proudest Parenting moment. My head started spinning. My heart started racing! If there is one thing I cannot stand it's my kids being ungrateful, spoiled, demanding divas. I yelled at her and surprising to me, burst into sobs. I told her, "You are not getting a cat! Let it go! I don't want to hear another word about it!" and "You have a life most kids dream of! Get off of it! I try to get you what you want when it's necessary. I flippin' went to Walmart twice to get you a turtle neck in the right color because you didn't like what I picked out!" I told her, "I'm done! Maybe I'll just take all the gifts you're getting and give them to a child who deserves them."

Quinn has a gift for needling you until you break. She hammers at your defenses, chink by chink until you absolutely blow up in her face and then she wonders, why that happened? Accepting "NO" as an answer is not her strong suit.

She immediately started saying, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" and crying. Then she says, "I hate myself. I'm stupid!" and I said, "No! You are not! Don't say that about yourself!". She knows that when she talks like that it gets to me too.

So, it's five minutes before the bus is to arrive and we both have splotchy faces and I'm so mad, I could spit nails. I'm thinking, how, in a matter of minutes did my day go so far south? I think seeing me upset freaked her out, but I just couldn't listen to her "crap" anymore. I really can't wait for puberty! NOT! I probably shoudn't have blown up like that, but I doubt she'll bring up the cat again. I am sure I'm on the Naughty list now - probably gonna find some coal in my stocking. Oh well!

Ah, Lydia.

Today Lydia came home from preschool where they had their Christmas party and said, "Mom, you should have gotten the big napkins for our party." (We were in charge of plates and napkins, so I bought dessert size of both). I asked, "why?". and she said, "we got to ice some cupcakes and mine was pink and I made a BIGGGG mess. I needed more than one little napkin!". I said, "Duly noted. Next party - we get the big ones!" and she said, "good!"

I just found that funny.

A Moment's Peace

I was sitting in the doctor's office today waiting, waiting, waiting to see him for a check up on my back. It was 30 minutes in the wait that I dug out my Christmas list and started going through it and thinking. It was quiet while I waited and I could breathe. I started thinking about how soon Christmas will be here and making lists of all that I have to do. Then my mind drifted off to Quinn and her class party (another to do list was made) and a little girl in there who has told Quinn she doesn't believe in Santa Claus. She told her that parents go out at night to buy presents for their kids. Quinn told her she was nuts because stores are not open at night! How silly! Anyways, I thought, what would I say to this girl if she challenged my belief in Santa?

Then my mind went to my childhood and waiting on the steps to the basement Christmas morning for my parents to wake up so we could go down and see if Santa came the night before. I wouldn't go down because I feared that of all the houses in the world, Santa would get tired and fall asleep on my couch, and he could still be there sleeping. That kid on the steps is still in me. I believe whole heartedly in the spirit of Santa and that is what I tell my own kids. So, if that little girl asks, that's what I'll tell her too.

This year, I fully expect to find Christmas under my tree, feverishly searching for gifts, and wrapped up in Christmas jammies. My four little elves will barely contain themselves racing me down the stairs to see if Santa came to visit them. It will be another notch in their childhood memories and another chapter in our family history. Christmas memories are the best kind, you know. How can you not believe in that? Santa's spirit will forever be a part of me and my kids.

Merry Christmas Everyone!

The Christmas Card

This task is one that should be fun. It's about reconnecting with loved ones and friends. It's about sharing news and pictures of your family. It's spreading Christmas one stamp at a time. This year, it's a little stressful. Writing the perfect Christmas letter with just the right about of newsy information about the family and a little humor is impossible this year. Don't get me wrong, we had a pretty good year. But, it wasn't overly eventful. Of course, if you re-read my blog from January on, you may disagree. I mean, it wasn't eventful in a Christmas letter kind of way.

We didn't move, we didn't have a kid, we didn't take a huge vacation, we kept our jobs (respectively and thankfully), we didn't get a new car. We pretty much maintained the status quo. This could be the shortest Christmas letter ever.

The art of the Christmas letter is one that takes crafting and patience. It takes editing and revising. I don't have that kind of time or energy this holiday season.

Wish me luck! I will probably just refer people to my blog and say, if you want to catch up on our life, here ya go! Is that terrible? Probably.

Merry Christmas!

Mom's Got the Gloves ON

Today was a crazy day. Quinn made her First Reconciliation this morning at 9:00 am and after months of worrying and a nervous breakdown last night, followed by a not so great night of sleep - she went in to the see the priest like a pro. I was so proud of her!

Then we went straight to her basketball game where she got the ball a couple times and made a shot - missed, but made a shot. Yeah!

We had lunch together, which was awesome and then I took Lydia and her to a Gingerbread House making party. We ran home and left for Practice Thanksgiving (long story) and got home around 9:30 am. 12 hours of running like crazy makes for a house that is a disaster.

But, that's not what this is about. Why is it when my kid doesn't get invited to a birthday party that it hurts my feelings? How old am I? I mean, she doesn't know she wasn't invited (yet). When her friends tell her about it tomorrow or later this week, she's going to be upset and I'm going to have to tell her - tell her what!? People are not what you expect them to be? Hey, listen, kid, people disappoint you, get used to it? Hey, sorry, but clicks are clicks and you're not in one! Why am I taking this personally? I don't know.

Maybe I've misunderstood the whole deal and if I have, I apologize. Any Mom would get their hackles up when they feel like their kid has been slighted, right? I am really trying to be a bigger person about this, which is why I am blogging and not blasting this on facebook or in an email. I know, I need to grow up.

Mocha & Me

I stupidly watched the movie Marley & Me today....geez, am I a glutton for punishment, or what? It hit sooo very close to home. My old black beauty of a canine was not the unruly terror that Marley was, but she was my first baby, my first love. She still is.

That day, the one every pet owner dreads, is so swiftly approaching our family and for me, it breaks my heart. In the movie, John Grogan, asks Marley to give him a sign when it's time so he doesn't have to make that awful decision by himself - but Marley didn't. How could he? He got sick.

Animals are man's best friend, because unlike people, they love you unconditionally with all your flaws. They befriend us, trust us, and love us. Letting go of that kind of bond will leave a hole in your life.

Tonight, I watched my friend struggle to get up because of arthritis in her hips and later try to scratch her ear with a paw that just didn't want to quite work for her. I got up to fill her bowl and let her out and what does she do? Wag her tail in anticipation of my attention as if no pain or discomfort existed.

You know, she was the one who comforted me when my heart was broke for the first time. She's the one I cried to when relatives passed and she was my first bedmate. She was my companion for 2 am feedings and bouts of illlness. She's in my wedding album the day I got married with a tulle bow tied regally around her neck. I actually made the photographer come to my home and take her picture with me and I'm so glad I did. She was beside me when I brought four kids into this world and she has always guarded them as her own, unselfishly.

The whole time I was watching that darned movie, I thought, I should turn this off. It's not going to end well. I mean, I had to quit reading the book because I knew it wasn't going to end well. It was like watching a train wreck.

I am hoping my train wreck is still a ways off, but everyday, I notice something new, something a little more pronounced in Mocha's gait or her behavior. Signals. But, then, she'll come to me, act like old times and I'll go on. We all do, putting that train wreck out of our minds another day. How did fourteen and a half years slip by so fast? The day I brought her home, my Mom and little brother had to actually pick her up from the APA because I had a job interview at Washington University (which I didn't get) and they picked me up with her in the car. My bundle of black fuzz who stole my heart in the kennel the minute she knawed on my overall buckles and laid on her back while I stroked her and fell asleep.

Damn movie.

Day 7 - post surgery

Getting around a little better. Bruising getting better and getting annoyed that I can't lift anything, but I'm behaving myself and managing. The twins and I have become imaginative in how to get them up and down from things. They also know that I can't chase them or make them go to time out - which means all manner of discipline has gone in the toilet. Such is life right now.

Day 3 - post surgery

Today, I'm definitely sore and the bruises are something to behold on my backside. I am feeling a little more comfortable, though, and the incision is itchy, so I'm hoping that means, it's healing.

I tapered off my pain meds a little today because every time I took one, an hour later, I'd be sleeping for three hours. I get tired quickly still and I know surgery takes it out of ya - I hate that about it. I'm trying to walk around and stay up a little more because I need to keep moving and building up strength.

I still napped today for two or more hours and will probably be in bed in 10 minutes. The annoying things are I can't bend over, I can't reach, I can't pick up anything. I can barely get dressed and I gained 6 pounds in a day from water retention (that part really blows!).

Carl is doing an amazing job of trying to keep up and even though it's an uphill battle around here, he's doing great! The kids are trying to pitch in - but they forget too. Thank goodness for awesome neighbors who've been helping with dinners and our parents who've been helping with everything under the sun too - I am gonna have a lot to repay when this is all said and done! I am so grateful! Thank you!

Surgery Day

Thursday morning my Dad picked me up in the rain at 6:15 am to go to the outpatient surgery center in Chesterfield. I was not looking forward to my day ahead, but I had little choice in the matter - I had to just get it done.

We got there, checked in, and the nurses took me back to "get ready". First things first - they hand me a very stylish pair of support stockings for my legs to put on under my hospital gown to prevent blood clots. I wasn't sure for a minute if I was going to be able to get them on because it required bending over, but somehow, I did it. Then came the I.V. insertion - which doesn't phase me really and the nurse was an exceptional stick. Kudos to her for that one!

My Dad was then called in to join me while I waited and he had fun watching my blood pressure and heart rate accelerate and slow down as I got more nervous. Apparently, I talk a lot when I get nervous, but it was that or throw up, so talking it was. The anesthesiologist came in and talked to us, the pharmacy dropped off the drugs for after the surgery/pain meds, and the surgeon came in to talk to me.

Finally, around 8:45 am, Carl got there after getting the kids ready and Quinn off to school. He gave me a kiss and I was on my way to surgery. They had just administered a wonderful kiddy cocktail of all kinds of feel good drugs and I was pretty relaxed.

They took me into surgery, I was in the hospital bed, someone was talking to me about the oxygen mask he was going to use and the doctor was talking about his son's make up soccer game that evening when the next thing I know I'm waking up in recovery two hours later.

My throat hurt from the intubation and my back was definitely uncomfortable, although dulled by a slew of medication that they injected just before closing me up. I took my time waking up and actually took a nap for a while. Then I had to drink something, eat something, sit up a while, and use the restroom before I could go home. We left around 2:40 pm and were home around 3:00 pm.