Tomorrow will be two weeks since my Dad's death. It was the end of his journey, maybe, but the beginning of a long one for the rest of us here. We are all feeling our way without him. I am really lost as to where to go with this blog even. It's been devoted to him for so long. I know the antidotes about my kids are as amusing, but even relating their stories right now seems so trivial. I know, trivial gets us through. It makes us laugh. I do laugh - a lot.
I guess we all keep doing what we always do - the daily ins and outs of life, but all the while, in the back of my mind is the fact that he's gone and when I don't dwell on it, I can forget and still trip myself up with - I have to go to the hospital today or give Dad a call - then I remember and the floods burst. I feel pretty out of control.
I miss him. I do - so much. I can hear his voice in my head and I laugh, I smile at what he says to me. It sounds crazy. I have accepted that I can't change this and I can't go back - only forward, but I wonder a lot how well I'm going to be able to do that.
Today is labor day, the end of summer. I remember at Memorial Day seeing Dad in the hospital and then at July 4th, the same. The three patriotic holidays of summer have come and gone - so has my Dad. Now Fall, looms. I usually love that season and relish the change. Right now, it only beckons the holidays and a box of kleenex.
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