hospice

Today my Dad went on Hospice.


My brothers and Mom and I went to the mortuary to make arrangements for the inevitable. We chose a walnut urn. Dad liked that.


Dad slept most of my visit, but he woke up to talk to me a little. He just said he was going to miss the heck of me and I said, not more than I would miss him. He said I had a lot left to do and that he was tired. He just wanted to not suffer and go easily. I know. He said to take care of his babies and that he wished he could watch Will grow up. He said that Quinn was a sharp kid and Lydia too. He said she'd surprise me. She always does. I held his hand, he held mine. I kissed his fist. He cried a little. I cried too. I felt like I was saying good bye and I was afraid to leave him because what if I don't see him again?


I feel like I can't get enough of him. I need to see him and touch him and be with him. When I'm not, I'm anxious and upset. I love him so much, so very much. He told me basically to go on and be happy. Be happy for him too.


I can't imagine him not being in this world. God help me.


He said everyday is a Godsend for him. Everyday a gift right now.