It's a brand new day - 2

Dad's result yesterday was amazing, overwhelming, unbelievable.

I am still crying about it and as relieved as I am, I am also freaking out because now I feel like we wait for it to come back. This monster lurking in his veins just waiting to strike again at him, at us. I actually let my mind wander a little yesterday and believe I could imagine having Grandparents Day with my Dad at school this year and a birthday with him, holidays, maybe a vacation. I am afraid to entertain too many future events because what IF, that demon rears it's ugly head again and disappointment, dreams are destroyed.

This disease is an awful curse. Only the steadfast, the brave can even attempt to take it on. It's fierce. As strong as we all are, as courageous, I just hope it's enough.

I have prayed and begged with God to give me time. 10 years, what is that in the span of a diety. I just need time and I need relief to build memories with my Dad for my kids. I feel like the Lord has given us this reprieve and I want to make the best of it. I hope it lasts. It just has to.

It's a Brand New Day

Last evening before I was headed out the door to a girls' night out, my Mom called. It was a very unusual time to call and I knew she was on her way to the Muny, so of course my heart jumped in my throat. I said, "Hello" and she said, "I wanted to call you with some good news for a change." and I knew it - Dad's biopsy came back clean.

All week, I had forced myself not to even consider any other result. I just knew in my mind and heart that we'd have good news. It just couldn't be any other way. But actually hearing it...I didn't expect to feel so emotional. I hung up with my Mom and started crying. I guess I must have been burying all my worries so deep they finally bubbled up and out of me. It felt good and scary too.

I know this is just one step in a long journey for us. But it was huge. Dad's meeting with his doctor this morning and I am guessing they'll continue with the same plan. He'll still go in for blood work a couple times a week.

Keep praying, keep the faith, thank you for your love and support. : )

Now we wait

The biopsy went really well today. Those things can be really uncomfortable, but the doctor who did it, was really good Mom said.

Dad's next appointment with his doctor is Friday. I don't expect to hear any results until then.

All things considered, we're all handling this very well. I'd say on a scale of 1-10, our anxiety levels are about a 20. : )

Keep the prayers up, keep the well wishes up and keep up our positive attitudes. That's half the battle.

More Friday.

Shot in the Butt

Dad's having a bone marrow biopsy tomorrow morning to see what's going on inside. Cross your fingers, say a prayer and do whatever good luck thing you do for us. We may have results tomorrow, but more than likely, not until Friday (Dad's next appt).

The doctor is very positive that things are going the right way, so let's hope that he's right! He just wants to see what's happening.

Come on donor cells, do your thing!

It's a brand new day

We got back yesterday from our camping trip. All was good. WE got a little wet, then drenched, but we all dried out. We had some colorful experiences along the way and some adventures. The kids got an earful, eyeful and an education in just PEOPLE this weekend, but that was okay too.

Dad has his first clinic appointment today. I think he had an okay weekend. Mom said he was much more active on Saturday than Sunday, but he probably had some adrenaline running through him from getting home. We should know more about a course of treatment after today, so we'll see what happens.

Thanks for checking in! We'll get you more info as we know it.

Have a great day!

Day 28 - Going Home

They said it would be a stay of about 28 days way back on day one! They were right.

Dad's homebound this afternoon.

He has a lot of work ahead of him and I think they will be sending a Physical Therapist to the house for some of it.

There was scuttlebutt about doing another bone marrow biopsy soon to see how things are going. That will be another stressful hurdle to wait through.

Keep praying, keep the faith.

For right now, today - I'm just so thankful to have a good end to a very long and turbulent week. It's also Carl's birthday, so what better gift than to have everyone in the family home.

We're off to camp! Wish us luck!

Day 27 - Not there yet!

They hooked Dad back up to IV fluids this morning because he was dehydrated. His blood work was looking so good and then it dipped yesterday, probably due to the lack of hydration. He was at 3.1 WBC and 2700s on the ANCs - both good.

So...one more day in the hospital. He is still having tummy troubles and some nausea, but some of that, I think, is having all the medication they give him on an empty stomach. What do I know, though, right?

We are leaving tomorrow to go camping for the weekend and I am hoping when we get back that Dad is settled in at home.

Have a good weekend and many blessings!

Day 26 - So close, yet so far away

Dad spiked a low grade fever today, so they are keeping him another night to monitor it. Hopefully, he'll be gettin' out of the joint tomorrow sometime. More later.....

Keep your fingers crossed!

Day 25 - Almost Home

The word of the day was that they are booting Dad out of the hospital tomorrow providing some tests come back good in the morning. YEAH!

He is trying to eat and he did get up a little more today, although, he fell asleep a lot too. I think going home will help him get some motivation and energy going, I hope.

I know he is scared about going home, though, too. That probably sounds a little weird, but the thing is at the hospital if something goes wrong, they're right there to help. At home, it won't be that way. He's just nervous. He was nervous last time he went home too - or rather, the first time he went home, way back when. After putting yourself through so much agony, it's a struggle to really get back on your feet.

I just hope some things can return to a semi-sort of normal for a while. I know they want to do another bone marrow biopsy - maybe next week. That will be stressful to get through, but once we're over that hump and (pray to GOD) get the GO that he's clear, we can potentially relax a little bit. Dad will be going to the outpatient clinic a couple times a week for a while, then once a month from then on.

As Dad's doctor always says, "we're cautiously optimistic" about where life is leading us at this point.

Pray for us, pray for my Dad, pray for my Mom and we'll pray for you.

Day 24

It's Monday on another week in the hospital. Ugh. The good news is Dad's WBC went up to 1.9 yesterday and his ANC was at 1558! The Doctor told him this morning that if Dad was up moving more, walking around, and eating, he'd be going home TODAY. Of course, he's not doing those things.

When I got to the hospital at 2:00, the P/T was trying to get Dad up and walking. It took about 20 minutes to get Dad out of the room and then he did one lap around the hall with two rests. Considering he hasn't left the room in two weeks, that was pretty good. Of course, the P/T suggested he take another walk this evening - doubt that happens.

Dad's still barely eating - he falls asleep sitting up and just seems so withdrawn. Mom had it out with him this morning apparently just trying to tell him to get up and do SOMETHING so they could get the heck out of the hospital. Dad just sits there and looks at her. I can only imagine what he's thinking inside. I'm sure it's something like, "You don't understand! You're not sick! You try to get up when you feel like I do!" He's just lost some of his sparkle and the twinkle in his eye is barely a flicker right now.

It's going to take getting through this emotional valley he's in to get through the physcial one. But, while we do that, it's really wearing on my Mom and the rest of us too. The radiation really just wiped him out completely and I think just struggling through the past 5 months has taking it's toll.

Pray for the sparkle to come back soon for my Dad. Thanks for checking in today! : )

Day 23

After a busy weekend, we are back home this evening from Kansas City and a really good time at Carl's cousin's wedding.

All weekend, I checked in with Mom about Dad and the reports were good. His numbers continued to rise. His platelets, hemoglobin and hematocrit numbers also continue to hold and in the platelet's case, improve! As of yesterday, Dad's white cell count was at 1.2 and his ANC was in the 900s. He needs to be at 1000 for the ANC to even think about going home. Apparently his physician told him maybe in 3-4 more days he could go home, but he had to continue to try and eat, move, exercise and just stay stable.

Well....this afternoon, I guess, Dad was in the shower and his heart started acting up where he could feel it going a-fib (atrial fibrulation). He got out and had a little dizzy spell and of course, called the nurses. They all freaked out and now he's a little nervous about everything. Personally, I think it is anxiety triggering it and his lack of food intake etc, but I'm not a doctor.

Yesterday, I know, Dad was up and trying to walk a bit and exercised on the stationary bike for about 10 minutes. That alone wore him out.

I am going up to see him tomorrow afternoon, so I'll see how he looks then. Mom just said everything on the inside with his counts is doing what it's supposed to, now he just needs to be feeling a little stronger to do what he needs to in order to get out of there.

I can't wait for him to come home this time! I'm hoping for later this week, or at the latest, the weekend! That would be a great gift!

Talk to you soon!

Day 20

Dad's WBC hit .5 today - yeah. I don't know his ANCs for the day, but his platelets doubled and the nurse said that was really good because those are usually the last thing to improve. Yesterday's ANC went down a little from 160 to 150. Dad didn't have any bands which is confusing because he had them on Tuesday - where the heck did they go?

Anyways....my visit today was pretty uneventful. Dad was very quiet, pretty tired and just grumpy, really. Not that I blame him one bit for feeling blue. I just wish a little of the good ol' fighting Irish man we're used to seeing would resurface. He did get a little spark in his eye while I was relating a story about the twins which was funny.

He's still not eating and they have him on IV fluids and a ton of other stuff. His mouth sores are improving, but he's still uncomfortable. He still has nausea off and on too.

When I left he gave me a tiny wave with his pointer finger on his lap while he dozed, so I knew he realized I was leaving.

I won't be able to update until Monday as we're heading to Kansas City for a family wedding tomorrow.

Please keep us in your prayers as you have done. We are so thankful. If you think about it this weekend, send my Dad a card. Thanks!

Day 19- Star Bright, Star Light

Dad was battling some nausea today while I was there. It is just miserable - he's miserable....

The Happy Dance continues a little - his WBC count went up to .5 today and I haven't heard about his ANC level.

Dad was diagnosed with pneumonia yesterday. That's very scary to me, but they seem pretty non-chalant about it. He's on a couple antibiotics now and a steroid, I think. I get confused about all the meds. There are so many. Hopefully, the white cell count and ANC counts will start to help work against the pneumonia too.

Dad was trying to watch Invictus today and was dozing in and out. I think he was getting annoyed that Mom and I were chatting as he was watching. Girl talk, what are you going to do?

He was a lot more alert than the last couple days, so that's a good thing. He's still lethargic and weak, but more alert.

Keep us in your prayers now, especially. It seems like these past several days have been some of the darkest yet. I am missing my Dad's sense of humor lately. He is just not himself. Please send up wishes too, find that lonely star tonight and stick a wish right on it for us. Can't hurt, right?

Day 18 - just a little happy dance!

When I visited Dad today, I have to say, there wasn't much to have a happy dance about. He could barely open his eyes, he was so tired. His body is just plain worn out and working so hard for any energy at all. Mom was completely frustrated with him, with good reason, but I really think Dad just couldn't DO anything about his condition. It wasn't lack of will, just lack of power.

The nurse even said she thought this lethargic episode we were going through was a result of his low WBC counts and just his body fighting everything with all it's might. He is on oxygen which helps move the red cells through, but even those, he's had refilled a couple times this past week. It's all a biproduct of the transplant, the chemo, and the radiation.

All that aside, I had a nice visit with my Mom. Tonight she called and said that FINALLY, Dad's WBCs took a little leap - they hit .4 and he got some ANCs on the board - 160 to be exact. That should all start to help Dad out with his energy, his appetite, and his overall condition. So, that's where the little happy dance comes in. We're starting to see his cells make a move. Now, we just hope those donor cells are doing their job and we'll all be good!

God Bless, goodnight, have a good day tomorrow!

Day 17

I hope everyone had a safe and Happy Fourth of July!

We had a very slow day and I think the kids enjoyed just doing NOTHING. We've been on the run since I can remember.

Dad was very tired yesterday, so I know he didn't want much company. He and Mom just hung out and I think he dozed off and on all day. I don't think there is much new to report. We are battling his lack of interest in eating, or moreover, my Mom is battling it. It drives her nuts. Dad just says everything tastes weird or bad, so he doesn't want it. That combined with just all the anxiety and I really think, depression, makes for a grumpy Grandpa. I can't blame him. We are all reaching a breaking point for sure. It's been so long and really, just so long without any GOOD news.

I think if we could just get some positive news about anything, we'd all perk up a little. Right now, the doctors just say everything is going as expected - so no good news, but also no BAD news. I guess that is what we should be thankful for!

I had great plans to take the kids to the zoo today before I realized it is still the holiday weekend technically which means parking will be nuts and my chances of losing someone in the crowds increases exponentially - so we ditched that plan. We are trying to have one of those elusive LAZY Days of Summer kind of day - well, that is until swim practice later this evening. : )

Have a great day. Thanks for praying for us and for all cancer patients. God Bless.

Day 15 - The Three Year Old's Invade!

Dad wanted to see the twins on their birthday today, so we came in like gang busters to the hospital. The twins were decked out in shirts that shouted they were turning "3" and were travelling in style aboard their red flyer wagon sporting giant mylar balloons of Dora the Explorer and Buzz Lightyear when they invaded "Pa Pa's" serene space.

We got there at 11:00 am and I think by 11:10, Dad was rethinking his wish to have them visit! Ha Ha! I'm joking, he wasn't. We did the whole birthday shebang - cupcakes, presents, singing, playing! William, in particular can get kind of loud! Dad "shshshshd" him a couple times. I figured if we got kicked out, we got kicked out. Live'n up that place!

Dad said he felt a little better than he had. He actually ate a very small birthday cupcake with us and that didn't seem too bad. His counts are still down, so he's going to be down too until they start coming up.

It's been a busy day for us. I know I'm beat. I'm so thankful for my kiddos even if I'm a little sad they're already "3". I think they had a great day and it's always worth all the effort and stress when they are so excited about presents and cake - everything. It's really wonderful to just celebrate THEM.

Here is Hayden's final Hoorah!

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Day 14

Day 13 was not a good day. Dad's mouth started to go full blown with the thrush and the sores - so he was miserable. He slept a lot of the day.

I visited today, Day 14, and he said he actually felt a little better than yesterday. He was watching FIFA Soccer when I was there. He looks tired and just down. Mom said he is down every which way. His spirit, his body, his everything. Mom said it's hard enough on us, but he has no escape from this damn disease. We can leave and block it out some of the time, but he just sits there in that bed day in and day out. The anxiety of the unknown and the uncertainty of what is going on - it just wears on a person.

Today, apparently, Dad asked Mom if it was really just one o'clock? She said that it was. He said that this day was dragging.

So.....my new plea is that if you are able to visit - please do it. This weekend is going to be a slow one up at the hospital due to the holiday, but if you can call just to say Happy 4th of July! Please do it. Dad's number is 314-747-5917 or if you want to call my Mom's cell because you're worried about waking him up - call 314-614-9590.

The problem with an illness is that when you have it for so long, people forget that just plain ol' human contact is the best medicine. Having a line to the outside through someone is a life saver. It does get hard to keep visiting and to keep calling, but it's such an important thing and it's one, I'll admit, in the past, I haven't done as well with either. It's so easy to just say, I did that, I'm done. Well, people, please, send a card, call - whatever - it could be the difference between my Dad and my Mom having a bad day, a good day and a GREAT day.

That's it! I'm off my soap box. Don't quit checking in on us just because I got on my high horse. We still need your prayers and good thoughts!

If it's any consolation - Dad joked that he was voted the Best Patient on the floor. Apparently, housekeeping, the food staff, the nurses all tell him they like visiting him because he smiles and is always pleasant. I guess some people aren't as well mannered on the floor! : ) I told the nurse today that he just saves the good behavior for them - he's never that nice to us! She just laughed!