It's been two months and I think it gets harder the further from that moment I get. I miss him. I miss seeing him at his house. I was there last evening and as I do when I go there, I go to my parents bedroom which is the last place he and I spoke and the last place I saw him. I stand there everytime waiting for something. His ashes are on his dresser (for now). His photo is throughout the room. I can still see his form in bed asleep or talking with me, but he's not really there. Before I know it, the tears are falling off my cheeks while I'm lost in thought. I want to feel close again to him. I want him to say, "come here!" for a hug. I want him to be here.
I just want my Dad.
I'm glad it's raining tonight so the full moon isn't visible. Full moons and cool evenings bring back the moment I walked out of the house to go home the night my Dad died. I looked up to the brightest, fullest, globe in the night sky and felt the cool breeze of a storm coming across my face. It's one of those moments you never forget. I remember thinking maybe my Dad had something to do with the change in the weather and the wind was his good night kiss to me across my cheek. Crazy.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Damn disease
I kind of feel like I'm being bombarded. I'm playing a game of Battleship and all the ships around me have been hit and I'm waiting to be torpedoed. Who am I kidding? I've already been hit, but my ship hasn't quite sunk yet.
Cancer.
Damn disease.
I am praying for all my friends fighting it, for all my friends with loved ones living it, and for all my family who have succumbed to it. God grant us peace from this illness.
Not a very cheery post, but I think every diagnosis I hear of hits me hard, brings me back to my Dad's diagnosis on February 3rd - makes me relive my loss. Selish? Probably.
I miss him.
Tomorrow is Grandparents day at school and my kids are blessed to have three grandparents attending. I just wish it was four.
Cancer.
Damn disease.
I am praying for all my friends fighting it, for all my friends with loved ones living it, and for all my family who have succumbed to it. God grant us peace from this illness.
Not a very cheery post, but I think every diagnosis I hear of hits me hard, brings me back to my Dad's diagnosis on February 3rd - makes me relive my loss. Selish? Probably.
I miss him.
Tomorrow is Grandparents day at school and my kids are blessed to have three grandparents attending. I just wish it was four.
Friday, October 8, 2010
Post on demand
My fans have requested an update and so I must oblige! Ha ha ha!
Here goes!
Sunday, Quinn bit into pretzel and jarred her lower incisor loose. It was a little wiggly to start, but she really popped it eating that pretzel. All day, she couldn't leave it alone and finally on Monday morning, she yanked it out. She said she couldn't stand going to school with it hanging in her mouth. Great! Monday night she told me to remind the tooth fairy to come and she placed her tooth on her dresser with a note. I told her, "No worries! I'll tell her to stop by!".
Of course, the dang tooth fairy forgot to come! I think there is probably another post somewhere in my blog about this darned tooth fairy forgetting at least one other time. I told Quinn we needed to fire her then and I guess I was right!
So, Quinn gets up Tuesday very disappointed that her four quarters are nowhere in sight and the knarly tooth is still sitting on her dresser. Thinking fast, I told her, "you know what? It frosted last night. I am betting that the tooth fairy's wings weren't up to speed because of the frost, so she didn't get all her teeth picked up." I went on and elaborated, "you know how wasps and bees can't fly at night because of the cold. Same for tooth fairy's!" She seemed to buy it. I said, "It's going to be nice and warm today. I bet she makes up her flight pattern and stops in sometime this morning or afternoon before you get home from school." Quinn said, "really?" and smiled. I said, "Sure! I have errands to run , so I bet she comes while I'm gone!" Sure enough, that tooth fairy did come while I was gone (wink, wink).
Quinn got home from school and checked on her tooth, found the quarters, and exclaimed, "MOM! I know you're the tooth fairy!" I said, "What?!" very incredulously. She said, "I wrote her a note and she wrote back. There is no way the tooth fairy could hold that big pencil and write so big on my paper!" I said, "Hey! You believe in magic, right!?" and she said, "Yes." and I said, "Then I am not the tooth fairy!" and left it at that.
We have had many talks about the tooth fairy and how we have been assigned the cheap one. We haven't figured out how the routing works at tooth fairy world, but it seems there are some weird boundaries on our street due to the variation in rewards given for each tooth collected. Our poor tooth fairy has had such a bad rep for so long, my kids just believe we got the slacker.
Oh well, when you're keeping up so many persona's (i.e. Santa, Tooth Fairy, Mom, Chauffeur, Girl Scout leader, Great Pumpkin, Leprechaun, and Easter Bunny), one is sure to suffer!
Have a great weekend!
Hugs and prayers to all who are fighting cancer in my life. You are always in my heart.
Here goes!
Sunday, Quinn bit into pretzel and jarred her lower incisor loose. It was a little wiggly to start, but she really popped it eating that pretzel. All day, she couldn't leave it alone and finally on Monday morning, she yanked it out. She said she couldn't stand going to school with it hanging in her mouth. Great! Monday night she told me to remind the tooth fairy to come and she placed her tooth on her dresser with a note. I told her, "No worries! I'll tell her to stop by!".
Of course, the dang tooth fairy forgot to come! I think there is probably another post somewhere in my blog about this darned tooth fairy forgetting at least one other time. I told Quinn we needed to fire her then and I guess I was right!
So, Quinn gets up Tuesday very disappointed that her four quarters are nowhere in sight and the knarly tooth is still sitting on her dresser. Thinking fast, I told her, "you know what? It frosted last night. I am betting that the tooth fairy's wings weren't up to speed because of the frost, so she didn't get all her teeth picked up." I went on and elaborated, "you know how wasps and bees can't fly at night because of the cold. Same for tooth fairy's!" She seemed to buy it. I said, "It's going to be nice and warm today. I bet she makes up her flight pattern and stops in sometime this morning or afternoon before you get home from school." Quinn said, "really?" and smiled. I said, "Sure! I have errands to run , so I bet she comes while I'm gone!" Sure enough, that tooth fairy did come while I was gone (wink, wink).
Quinn got home from school and checked on her tooth, found the quarters, and exclaimed, "MOM! I know you're the tooth fairy!" I said, "What?!" very incredulously. She said, "I wrote her a note and she wrote back. There is no way the tooth fairy could hold that big pencil and write so big on my paper!" I said, "Hey! You believe in magic, right!?" and she said, "Yes." and I said, "Then I am not the tooth fairy!" and left it at that.
We have had many talks about the tooth fairy and how we have been assigned the cheap one. We haven't figured out how the routing works at tooth fairy world, but it seems there are some weird boundaries on our street due to the variation in rewards given for each tooth collected. Our poor tooth fairy has had such a bad rep for so long, my kids just believe we got the slacker.
Oh well, when you're keeping up so many persona's (i.e. Santa, Tooth Fairy, Mom, Chauffeur, Girl Scout leader, Great Pumpkin, Leprechaun, and Easter Bunny), one is sure to suffer!
Have a great weekend!
Hugs and prayers to all who are fighting cancer in my life. You are always in my heart.
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