VENTING

There are many things that are hard about being a parent, but lately, I'm having trouble with the keep your mouth shut part. When you kid continuously comes home and tells you how her day was rough when three other girls told her she couldn't join their reading group and laughed, so she sat down alone -I just want to flippin' get on the horn to those kids' parents and scream. Of course, that is frowned upon.

So, when your kid says she's afraid of one of those kids because she might pummel her if she admits to liking someone that kid doesn't like -what do you say? I told her to be friends with that kid anyways and she said, she is, but she told this new friend in confidence that even though she might act like she doesn't like her in front of the other girls, secretly, she really likes her and is her friend, so it's not real. REALLY! I mean, my kid is having to be mean to someone else to avoid social ridicule.

I told my kid that I would talk to the parents of these other kids and she said, "Why? They will just lie to their parents like they lie to the teacher." She also said, "I'll be the one who pays for that!" It's sad that she has it figured out. She also has figured out that when the school counselor comes in to class and says, "this school is 95% bully free, we need to work on the other 5%" that someone has failed to report most of the bullying that goes on in class right under the teacher's nose. She even says, if they think we're that bully free, they aren't paying attention.

Having been a parent to a bullied kid this year, it is the hardest thing to watch and feel so helpless. You try to give them pointers and things to say or ways to befriend these kids who have commandeered the social network with such power, all to no avail. It makes me mad. I preach over and over be kind to your neighbor, turn the other cheek, rise above it all, ignore them, be a good person no matter what and for what purpose!? I finally had it recently and told her to tell them when they get on her nerves or exclude her, "bite me!". I gave her permission to actually say that in my anger!

I know my kid is not innocent. I realize she needs a tougher skin and I understand that she's not perfect in any which way, but she doesn't deserve the treatment she's received.

It's become so ego crushing for her and self esteem crushing that we are actually seeking counseling to give her some tools to deal with these girls. I can tell you summer vacation cannot come quick enough.

It makes me sad mostly because she's come to accept her "position" and accept these kids' behavior as something that can't be challenged or fixed because somehow this is the social order of things and that's just how it is. It's wrong.

Like I said, I'm not there everyday at school and I get that the teacher is kind of done in this year with all the drama, but nobody likes to hear their kid is left out or alienated, ignored, or belittled. I think that the end result will be my kid learns to choose her friends more wisely and learns the hard way what qualities are more important in a person - popularity, athleticism, and defiance never win out over truth, kindness and selflessness.

So, there ya go - I don't feel any better and I'm gonna call that counselor tomorrow so the damage done this year doesn't perpetuate into the future with other problems, but really? Can't we all just get along?